Listed below are samples of my writing. If you're interested in publishing any of the stories, please contact me. All stories are unpublished unless otherwise marked. Please do not copy, save or reprint any of these stories without my permission. Thanks. Enjoy!

Comedy
Horror
Romance

Comedy

Who did it (Horror/Humor)
By Karen Kalbacher

"I didn't kill her you know."

"Oh, I know."

"I didn't."

"I said, I know. But if you did…"

"I didn't!"

"I didn't say you did. I'm just saying if you did where would you hide the body?"

"What the hell kind of question is that?"

"It's a hypothetical one, no big deal. You don't have to answer."

"Fine, I'd bury her in the woods or something… Can't believe I just answered that."

"Which woods?"

"I didn't kill my mom!"

"Yeah, I know, you told me. Which woods?"

"The park, not the one behind my house… The one on 5th… But don't go out there with a shovel, because I didn't kill anyone."

"Relax man, I know. I believe you. Just, you know, if you did… Where would you have say… put the murder weapon?"

"I would… Chuck it down a sewer?"

"No you wouldn't. They'd find it there. Try again."

"Then, I'd melt it down or mail it to someone or maybe I'd bury it in another park a state away so when they found it, they'd think it was unrelated."

"Hm, better, so no one would ever find your murder weapon, that's better than my idea."

"What are you implying?"

"Don't get your feathers twisted. I'm not implying anything. I'm just saying it's better than what I did."

" Hey, for the last time I did not kill my… Did when?"

"Oh hey, yeah, when I killed you mom, I hid the murder weapon. I used one of your old army knives so it would have your prints all over it and then...I just stuffed it up in your attic. I mean I could have gotten away with everything and not had to set you up. Damn. My bad."

The End.

Horror

No one swims in September - 1st published in The Eternal Night Chronicles
by Karen Kalbacher

Water washed over her head. Again and again she went down as the undertow sucked her in while the waves rolled over her. Her eyes bulged. Air was coming in but only just enough to hurt. Lungs burned. Eyes burned. Salt poisoned everything. Hands fought senselessly. Nerves froze in arctic water.

No one swims in September.

Pushed under again, her mouth opened, screaming. Terror escaped her perfect, little mouth in delicate bubbles. Water rushed in like a vacuum to fill the void. Fish and sharks heard her. Waves protected the air from her screams. Her legs kicked, switchblade, cutting seaweed up into pathetic ribbons that floated around her face, ticker tape. Her fingers clawed in slow motion. No oxygen sent spasms of pain along starving limbs as billions of cells died together.

Stilling, her mouth dragged the entire ocean into her lungs and she stared up with wide brown eyes. Her mouth worked once, twice, then finally stopped all together. Her life force leaked out into the water.

Good thing, too, there was no way I could have held her down for another minute. The water was just too damned cold.

End. (This story was originally published in Eternal Night Chronicales Issue 14.)

Romance

Optomistic
by Karen Kalbacher

Your eyes are open, breathing slow and even. Your mouth starts to move and I know what you want to say, what you are going to say: You love me. My heart skitters with fear and excitement. I want you to speak but I know better. I can see the end of us beginning. First we say we love each other. Then we say we want to be together and then we are together until you resent me for my annoying habits, I tap endlessly on tables and whistle after meals. Finally we argue until your passion for me dies slow and you leave me alone, hurt and missing you. Or worse, we grow strong together, entangled. We have children and a house and a dog until one day your chest hurts and you never wake up, leaving me alone, hurt and missing you.

The words escape your lips and I can't help smiling. "I love you," you say and you lean in for the best kiss of our lives and I think maybe things will be okay this time. Maybe we'll grow old together and die hand in hand with our great grand children around us. Or maybe, just maybe you'll love me for years and years, completely devoted to me until one day, I leave you alone, hurt and missing me.

End.

Interested
By Karen Kalbacher

“I said, ‘Come here often?’ Don’t laugh! I did. And she stared right through my physical form, deep down into my soul and found a tiny naked boy screaming for his mother.” Craig discarded his shoes, pulling his thick, well muscled legs up underneath his body. I was laughing full on ‘flirt mode.’ That meant big fake full throated laughs I thought were sexy. Every once in a while though, he was catching me off guard and I was laughing honestly.

I tugged an over processed raw cinnamon lock away from my face and leaned forward in my overstuffed chair. We’re drinking wine, emboldening and stupidity generating wine. I wish I would climb onto the caramel colored sofa with Craig. More wine coated my tongue and slid down to my warm tummy.

“You did not! What did you do?”

Prompting is something a girl is usually good at. I say toss your hair, smile and end every sentence in an upswing. It works and it makes it sound like you’re interested. Usually my eyes would be analyzing: height, weight, ability to string complicated ideas into coherent sentences… This time I was actually listening… to a guy. My flirting increased.

Craig waved his glass, carefully keeping the wine contained. It was his third glass. Now he dropped it neatly onto the coaster, grabbed up the bottle and topped off my glass. All the while keeping up his story, “Well, what could I do? It was either: recover or scream like a tiny, tiny girl.”

“You screamed.”

“I screamed,” he recovered his glass and toasted me. “Like a little girl on fire. Then I literally ran away from her. And I can tell you my mother has never been so humiliated in her entire life!” He drank down the wine, fortifying himself against the memory, “I mean that was one hell of a dinner party.”

Embarrassingly, another laugh escapes me. Craig blinked. He thinks I’m drunk, probably. The empty glasses and bottle glared at us. I stood up, swaying. “I’ll get us another bottle.”

Craig shook his head, “No, don’t worry about it. One more glass and I won’t be able to go home.”

“Maybe that was my sneaky plan.” I winked and realized I was not tipsy. I was stone drunk. I swayed back to my seat. The room blurred a little. I decided not to sit on the caramel couch but on him. Well, actually I think I was aiming for next to him and missed. I’m such a light weight. Hell, two glasses of wine cooler and I’m warm all over. Alone, I go to sleep. With company, I… embarrass myself. Ruin opportunities… Make people think I’m only good for the one thing. “Whoops!”

Laughing low, with cheeks reddening, Craig steadied me, dropping his legs to the floor to anchor us. I could see everything happening as if from a distance. When did reason leave me? I felt pretty sober seated in my big comfy chair. Standing must have sent the alcohol straight down to my…legs.

“I think I misjudged the couch.” I leaned back and he put his arms around me.

“I think I misjudged my friend Kay when she begged me to meet up with her friend from work.” He kept his arms loose. Craig was a cage I could break out of and I could hear the smile in his rich voice. “I thought maybe she was punishing me for setting her up with my idiot, dog brain friend Kenny. This is definitely not payback.”

Spinning around so I could talk face to face, I was forced to straddle him. His eyes smoldered for an instant and I flashed a smile full of inner woman mystique crap. This has been the best date I’d had in four years. Dancing, dinner and drinks at my place afterward.

“Well no, but I do owe you for dinner.” Boldly, I planted a kiss on his nose, letting my eyelids flutter. My hands grabbed onto his shoulders for balance. A second kiss hit his cheek. My lips were numb and cool. I used them to my advantage, teasing Craig until he held me steady and kissed me soundly. Thrills raced to my brain… on a time delay.

He shifted, using his arms to hold me steady. Pulling away, his eyes heavy, Craig smirked. “I’m getting perilously close to screaming like a little girl here.”

“Why? It’s a nice night. We’ve had a good time. I don’t want it to end.” I heard the words come out of my stupid mouth. I would have hit myself if I could’ve gotten the impulse to my hands. It was my one night stand line. My body ignored the frantic calls from my brain to stop. I was actually interested in this guy! Crap, I was going to ruin it for me.

Craig shifted, lifting me up into his arms. Fear and hope fought over my sloppy heart. Loss filled my mind. Another relationship stillborn… Gentle, he moved me from the living room to my bedroom. With one hand he pulled the covers down and then he deposited me. I was laughing at things in my head nowhere near my mind and he was pulling my shoes off. I’m so disappointed in myself. I reached up for him and he kissed me… on my cheek.

The corners of his full mouth turned up. “Goodnight.”

“Goodbye,” I whispered not sure if he was disgusted with me, not interested.

“Not goodbye, good night… You owe me for dinner.” He winked.

End.

This section is still under construction. More samples will be added soon. Thanks for your patience. If you're lucky I'll post some of my awful poetry.